Monday, November 3, 2008

Just Say It Already

So I stated last week that Monday was going to be leadership day for my blog. Well let me just preface this first one by saying that Mondays for me are not my big mercy days. Not that I have a lot on any other days either but Mondays are: let's just say shoot straight days. So here goes on my first leadership bullets for this blog.

  • "Just say it already"
I have been in so many conversations with people over the years where there was so much said that had nothing to do with what needed to be said that it kills me. Quite frankly I have been the one initiating those types of conversations many times. When I think about why I choose to engage in conversation like that rather that get straight to the point I really had to unpack my reasoning behind it and this is what I came up with so here goes.

  1. We don't just say it because we are afraid of what may happen if we do. But I think sometimes the better question is what happens if we don't. What will we sacrifice in our ministry or leadership or life if we choose not to engage in those Fierce Conversation. (this web site is part of Susan Scott's material from her book with the same title. Great stuff)
  2. We don't just say it because we think it will work itself out. Quite frankly it does sometimes and maybe we have gained a small victory, but in the process lost some desire to communicate with the other person. When this happens distance is created in the relationship.
  3. We don't just say it because we avoid a fight that way. I can tell you that for me this is true. When people come to me with issues about me that I disagree with I typically get angry first and get rational second. I am not saying that this is good, it is just the way I am and because of that I think that people who know me best may not even "just say it" to me. (side note this is not an call to everyone who has ever wanted to tell me something to come out of the wood works. I did not say I had a handle on it yet) HA HA
Maybe we need to take a que from the master confronter Jesus about just saying it. I was studying last week for my message and I was using the passage in John 4 about the woman at the well and Jesus engages her in conversation and the communication does not go very long until Jesus "Just says it" He lays out in front of her just who she is and what her life is like and in that moment she has to respond. There is no small talk, Jesus gets straight to the point because He know that if the woman deals with that issue many of the other things will fall in line.

Maybe this week you need to have some of those "Just Say It Already" conversations and see what happens. hey at least you will not have to spend 3 hours talking about nothing and get nothing resolved. Just know that in these types of conversations there is someone else involved and they may not respond the way that you want them to immediately. Give them time to process everything and consider coming back for a follow-up conversation.

Talk to you all Wednesday

2 comments:

brutha_bran said...

I think I understand your point... On the flip side of this is me, well, past me..

When I first got to college, I was dealing with a lot of baggage, and learning to speak my mind. Well, I went a little overboard with it. I got rude with people. I thought I was funny by being blunt all the time and speaking my mind. What I did what hurt and marginalize others, and alienate myself..

Most of my best college friends have told me that they didn't like me at first, because of my mouth and how I treated people.. I had a lot of apologizing and learning to do.

So there needs to be a balance (I think). You can share the important stuff and just say it, but it also needs to be done in a loving way. We only have the written word to interpret how Jesus spoke to the woman at the well, not an instant playback. While He "just said it", I'm sure it was done in a way that tranformed her life, not imploded her self image.

Paul Wirth said...

good point Brandon. I would totally agree that everything said should be seasoned with grace. That is the whole message of Jesus. Balance is a good choice of words. Doing nothing is the problem.